August 3rd- 3rd visit

Today was such a great day!!

My parents and our niece came out to visit with Sean and they all enjoyed it.

First off Evan and I got there at 9:30 and we played and talked and then my parents showed up with Larkin at 10:30. They came in and met the FM and then we left and went to the park.

We took Sean to the park and had a great time, we hung out and played. Larkin and Sean are two peas in a pod! They had so much fun together.

Sean was getting tired and was hungry so he was done at the park.

We had to drop him off somewhere else and he had a melt down, because he knew which way he wanted to go. Man the kid is strong you need to hold on tight.

We had a great day today!

Can't wait till tomorrow!! We are going to take Sean to another park and hang out with him.

August 2nd- Second visit

Well today was our second visit and let me tell you it was amazing!!

I love him and he is so damn cute and such a little ham

Him and his daddy were running around and he fell on his bum and he whined for me to pick him up, I did we cuddled and then I put him down.. Then he fell on his bum on purpose and whined for me to pick him up!! Damn he is so smart and cute!!

Sean does not have a big language, Sean has fragile x and autism but he is a smartie pants and I just am amazed by him!

Today when we got there he went right for my purse and wanted the pad of paper and pen I had last time. These are amazing things!

When your told your child has these needs and that he is so far behind in his development and to see these amazing things it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart.

With lots of help and love and support I believe Sean will succeed in life!

Sean is getting so use to us that its great, tomorrow we are off to the park with my parents and Larkin and with the foster family.

Sean asked his fm (foster mom) to pick him up, so she did then fm said to Sean maybe your mommy wants to cuddle, I put my arms out to reach for him and he put his out and we cuddled!!

I love my little ham bone!

July 31st- Visit 1

Oh man I am so in love!!

Love isn't even how to describe it! I am a mommy and I love my son to pieces! I may not haven given birth to him but the love I have for him after laying eyes on him is just one like a normal mother has when she gives birth to a newborn. I didn't want to take my eyes off him, I just wanted to sit and watch him for two hours today.

He is my little hambone, oh man the love that little boy is going to share with us is amazing!!

So we got there, we walked in and he was at the top of the stairs and he was saying hi!

We went upstairs, Evan and I sat on the couch, he kept looking at us and then would run around and watch tv. Oh yeah he grins from ear to ear all day long!

So we werent allowed to approach him, and so we didn't really I tickled him one time and then I moved to the floor to be at his level. We gave him a stuffed frog and he doesn't like it (oh Well) hahaha

Evan put the frog on the floor and said is that your frog, he passed it back to Evan and shook his head no no no.

He loves the camera and can say cheese!

We did get to see him eat a banana, the kid loves food!

We also seen him through a meltdown and hit his head on the floor, this is a big no no and the foster mom tells him NO

We got to see him interact with the foster kids.

We were leaving I asked for a hug and he gave me one, then he slid down the stairs and wanted to come, he was putting the shoes on. Then he hugged me and Evan again and we left it was hard.

We are in love! We love him to pieces!

We get to see him again August 2nd for lunch- its also my birthday!!

Well I will post more on Monday!!

MIA

WOW May 26th was the last post crazy!!

Well on June 3rd we got to read all about an amazing little boy! His name is Sean and he is 2.5 years old. On June 18th Evan and I made the journey to meet his foster family and social worker and Guardianship worker.

Sean has fragile x and Autism and we had to decide if this is the child for us.

We prayed hard that God would show us that Sean was to be ours or wouldn't.

We got to the meeting and our social worker prepared us for the worst and said to be prepared that it would be the worst interview in our lives. I was so scared and ready to cry. But I remembered that God is bigger then the boogie man and he was watching over us okay maybe I made up a song and sang it in the car for awhile before we got there. Maybe the song went like this... God is bigger then the foster mom, hes bigger then the social and guardianship worker oh God is bigger then the ministry and he is watching out for you and me. I sang this song to Evan.

So we walked in and sat down, we met his social worker and guardianship worker and foster mom and its like we had known them forever. We chatted for a long time, we took a lunch break we came back and they did something they never do.. Something I prayed hard and long about.. Usually you get a proposal a few weeks after the interview to say that yes they do want you and if you want to say yes also... Well we got it right then and there!! AMAZING!! We knew right then this is our son! On our long drive home we saw not 1 but 5 rainbows!! Amazing God's promise to us!!

So anyways our sons name is Sean Karl Reker and we are so excited to bring Sean home.

We meet him on July 31st! And we bring him home September 25th!! We are so excited!!!

Ev's parents are coming out for 2 weeks in August and will get to meet Sean!

So if I am MIA this is why!!

The Climb

First of all not much news, talked to my social worker and she is trying to work on two different children right now a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Please pray, God's hands are in this and its all up to him.

God is working in our lives right now and I know he has plans. Some days I feel like I know what it is then it changes. My Heart is very guarded so I will not be let down.

So many babies lately oh man all I want to do is cry and want to have my own brand new baby, I want to go through the joys of being pregnant, puking, worrying and just feeling that baby. I want to do the ultrasounds (Yes okay I have had like 10, but come on I want to know and see a baby inside me) I bet I know of 12 babies born in the past month, lots of girls. I know lots of people pregnant and yes I am happy for them but deep inside I cry.

Have you heard a song from Miley Cyrus called the climb? Well its how I feel... Songs really touch me and this journey. Between doing adoption and wondering if we should seek Fertility.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Prayers

Yesterday was the hardest day for me ever!
I cried, I felt very depressed and really didn't want to do anything.

We never set our alarm clock, it was if we wake up for church we get up. Deep inside me I did not want to go to church, would it be about Mother's?? probably...

Well I woke up and God was telling me to go to church, I cried No I can not do it. I woke Evan up and off we went. The whole service killed me, I cried and I fought back tears and I was ready to leave. They were giving flowers out but only to the mother's... Well thanks just stab it further in. I know I am not a mother but just keep stabbing the open wound. Well after church I got a flower and it was a flower for faith. I have faith I will have children soon.

We need prayers right now for hope...

I went on a website and boom there are 2 little boys, everything we want from age to looks like red hair colour lol. But the problem is how do we get them, will our social worker work with us to get these boys since its a different province and they usually don't work out of province. So lots and lots of prayers needed for us, that maybe this could go smooth sailing and that we can maybe get these two beautiful boys.

I have guarded my heart, but I know I love these boys already and I already dream about them. They are the age we want and everything.. Please pray lots for us.

Power

People ask me all the time how I am making it. And some days I am crushed and just want to hide in my shell. But other times, being at church or out and a song comes on the words pop right at me.

This weekend two songs were song and the first one was Majesty

Majesty empty handed but alive in your hands... Wow yes I am empty handed and I had to think about it a lot and was like God when will you fill my hands so they aren't empty? I am alive in your hands but when can we have a child so they can also be alive in your hands. So when singing this song, I felt it was true and wanted to cry and yell and scream why why why? Why God fill my hands.

So we started singing the next song, and if you remember from before I wrote that our social worker only wants us to get 2 kids, so I sometimes wonder if she is passing off 3. I have a feeling we are to have 3. But anyways who are any of us to decide there is only one person and that is God. And there is mighty power coming from the lamb!

There is power power wonder working power in the blood of the lamb

I am empty handed but with the power of the blood of the lamb my hands
will be filled, my life will be filled, and my heart will be filled.

There is power and the only power we will see is from the Lord God
almighty.