First of all not much news, talked to my social worker and she is trying to work on two different children right now a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Please pray, God's hands are in this and its all up to him.
God is working in our lives right now and I know he has plans. Some days I feel like I know what it is then it changes. My Heart is very guarded so I will not be let down.
So many babies lately oh man all I want to do is cry and want to have my own brand new baby, I want to go through the joys of being pregnant, puking, worrying and just feeling that baby. I want to do the ultrasounds (Yes okay I have had like 10, but come on I want to know and see a baby inside me) I bet I know of 12 babies born in the past month, lots of girls. I know lots of people pregnant and yes I am happy for them but deep inside I cry.
Have you heard a song from Miley Cyrus called the climb? Well its how I feel... Songs really touch me and this journey. Between doing adoption and wondering if we should seek Fertility.
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Prayers
Yesterday was the hardest day for me ever!
I cried, I felt very depressed and really didn't want to do anything.
We never set our alarm clock, it was if we wake up for church we get up. Deep inside me I did not want to go to church, would it be about Mother's?? probably...
Well I woke up and God was telling me to go to church, I cried No I can not do it. I woke Evan up and off we went. The whole service killed me, I cried and I fought back tears and I was ready to leave. They were giving flowers out but only to the mother's... Well thanks just stab it further in. I know I am not a mother but just keep stabbing the open wound. Well after church I got a flower and it was a flower for faith. I have faith I will have children soon.
We need prayers right now for hope...
I went on a website and boom there are 2 little boys, everything we want from age to looks like red hair colour lol. But the problem is how do we get them, will our social worker work with us to get these boys since its a different province and they usually don't work out of province. So lots and lots of prayers needed for us, that maybe this could go smooth sailing and that we can maybe get these two beautiful boys.
I have guarded my heart, but I know I love these boys already and I already dream about them. They are the age we want and everything.. Please pray lots for us.
I cried, I felt very depressed and really didn't want to do anything.
We never set our alarm clock, it was if we wake up for church we get up. Deep inside me I did not want to go to church, would it be about Mother's?? probably...
Well I woke up and God was telling me to go to church, I cried No I can not do it. I woke Evan up and off we went. The whole service killed me, I cried and I fought back tears and I was ready to leave. They were giving flowers out but only to the mother's... Well thanks just stab it further in. I know I am not a mother but just keep stabbing the open wound. Well after church I got a flower and it was a flower for faith. I have faith I will have children soon.
We need prayers right now for hope...
I went on a website and boom there are 2 little boys, everything we want from age to looks like red hair colour lol. But the problem is how do we get them, will our social worker work with us to get these boys since its a different province and they usually don't work out of province. So lots and lots of prayers needed for us, that maybe this could go smooth sailing and that we can maybe get these two beautiful boys.
I have guarded my heart, but I know I love these boys already and I already dream about them. They are the age we want and everything.. Please pray lots for us.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Power
People ask me all the time how I am making it. And some days I am crushed and just want to hide in my shell. But other times, being at church or out and a song comes on the words pop right at me.
This weekend two songs were song and the first one was Majesty
Majesty empty handed but alive in your hands... Wow yes I am empty handed and I had to think about it a lot and was like God when will you fill my hands so they aren't empty? I am alive in your hands but when can we have a child so they can also be alive in your hands. So when singing this song, I felt it was true and wanted to cry and yell and scream why why why? Why God fill my hands.
So we started singing the next song, and if you remember from before I wrote that our social worker only wants us to get 2 kids, so I sometimes wonder if she is passing off 3. I have a feeling we are to have 3. But anyways who are any of us to decide there is only one person and that is God. And there is mighty power coming from the lamb!
There is power power wonder working power in the blood of the lamb
I am empty handed but with the power of the blood of the lamb my hands
will be filled, my life will be filled, and my heart will be filled.
There is power and the only power we will see is from the Lord God
almighty.
This weekend two songs were song and the first one was Majesty
Majesty empty handed but alive in your hands... Wow yes I am empty handed and I had to think about it a lot and was like God when will you fill my hands so they aren't empty? I am alive in your hands but when can we have a child so they can also be alive in your hands. So when singing this song, I felt it was true and wanted to cry and yell and scream why why why? Why God fill my hands.
So we started singing the next song, and if you remember from before I wrote that our social worker only wants us to get 2 kids, so I sometimes wonder if she is passing off 3. I have a feeling we are to have 3. But anyways who are any of us to decide there is only one person and that is God. And there is mighty power coming from the lamb!
There is power power wonder working power in the blood of the lamb
I am empty handed but with the power of the blood of the lamb my hands
will be filled, my life will be filled, and my heart will be filled.
There is power and the only power we will see is from the Lord God
almighty.
A song that gets me through the day
Well this song has been keeping me going...
Everlasting God
Chris Tomlin
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgyokeWf54k
Everlasting God
Chris Tomlin
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgyokeWf54k
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