We are home!

We had an good vacation we are both exhausted as it was go go go go! But thats alright, we got to see many family members and lots of friends.

Please pray for us as we know of some kids in care somewhere and are very interested in them but need to see if they go on the national list so we could apply for them.

So please pray for us and this journey we may take, but pray for these children and that if Evan and I aren't there parents that they find a home that will love them and care for them.

God has really showed himself to me lately and showed me that I am strong and that he has taken away the pain I have felt about not having a baby of my own and has made my heart pure to the adoption. I have a friend who found out she is pregnant I am super excited for her but she was scared to tell me and I know she has been trying for awhile and was going to visit the fertility dr. God is amazing and I wish her the best 9 months of pregnancy ever! I am at peace now with people getting pregnant, not very at peace yet with those who complain all the time they are sick and that they want to be pregnant and all they do is complain but maybe thats something I need to pray for.

God please show us the path that you have set for us, if its the children then please show us this and allow the journey to go smoothly. Thank you Jesus for who you are! Praise you Lord, be with these children and wrap your loving arms around them.

Thanks for thinking of us

Denise

Slacking

Oh my have we been slacking or what!

We had a class last week on the phone and hopefully will be able to attend the next one, we fly to Ontario that day and get in around 6pm and the call is at 10pm so we shall see. I really want to as its on FASD and even though I know lots about it, I can always learn more and more! We watched the FAS movie it was good.

We also have a movie to watch called Open Adoption so I am looking forward to that also, its tough to think that our children can have openness with their bio family but to me that is important also.

We met with the social worker the other day, we both had to meet with her separate and she talked to us about abuse and our families. Holy Crap the things we have to do to get a child is crazy!! Anyways Evan and I are perfect Angel's (insert lightening bolt here)

When we met with her at our house she told us a year, well she has no realized a year is not good enough for us and has now said 6 months... She said if we don't have a child in 6 months we will have to look again at our home study... I know it could take longer but come on 6 months is a great time!! It will be April and then a month later we start camping woohhooooo. Praying this works out!! I want to take my children to the lake this summer!

We closed the lake the other day and its very sad, no more camping this year, we have enjoyed it a lot. But 7 months and we can go camping again! It is very cold here right now and I see snow up on the mountain and Evan said it was snowing at the mine today brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Well we leave in less then a week and I am so excited!!

Anyways!!

Thats all for now!

Comments

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Denise and Evan

On our side

Have you ever thought about who is On your side?

Through this journey I know who is on our side, and there are times we will say what we want in a child and people's mouth drop and say WHY why would you want that. Sometimes I think man just having a child to love is all I want, I don't care if they are "Normal" as long as I can love them and can meet their needs thats all I want. You really know who is on your side.

Being an Early Child Educator I have been around kids with all area of needs and some people get scared if the child has a need but not me, God has gifted me with this love and power to work with children and those that have needs are even better for me. And with adoption we might have missed so many goals that parents love to watch, like rolling over, walking, talking..... So that is what brings Evan and I willing to take a child that may have autism or may have cerebral palsy. But we do live in a small town away from medical so we are looking at that all.

There is an adoption board that we can look at profiles of children and well there are 2 children aged 1 and 2, we have sent in a request for more information on them. We have found out a few stuff about them and even though I know they will not be joining our family, I pray someone will be taking them and giving them all the love they need. And maybe God has plans but only time will tell.

There is another song that really has been hitting me all week and some days I will sit and sing it all day and realize that we are not alone and yes God is on our side!

God is with us through this journey and he is not leaving us and he knows our needs and wants and yes the mountains may crumble through this journey but we shall see! God will be there each and every day for us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ejCdVRRIJ8&feature=related

On our side
Chris Tomlin

Everyone around the world

Hear the joyful sound
See the heavens open up
Hear the music coming down
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love
I can't help but celebrate
'Cause we're not alone

If God is on our side
Who can be against us?
If God is on our side
We won't be afraid
Though the mountains may fall
And the sky will crumble
There ain't nothin' gonna stand in our way

Come on down to the riverside
Wash it all away
Leave behind your troubled mind
For an uncloudy day
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love
I can't help but celebrate
'Cause we're not alone

Mighty to Save

So I was just putting away dishes and folding laundry when I was in thought and thinking of our new journey, and the song that popped into my head was Mighty to Save. And I know that God can move the mountain that no matter how bad the roller coaster is we will trust in God fully and he knows our heart and he knows the plan he has for us.

There are times I forget it and sit and think I want this and this... But our whole journey of fertility we have left to God, number 1 thing is always hearing when are you going to have kids and I always say when God gives us that wonderful gift. And its true, I was talking to a few friends and they do not know how I have gone 3 years without doing treatments right away or how I have waited so long but God has given me the heart to realize what I really wanted and that was adoption.

Since the song has touched me so much and if you have not heard it then I suggest looking it up, the words to the song are in bold and tonight as I sit here I thank God for giving us this journey. He has blessed us with infertility that we will be giving a child(ren) a loving and caring home. I know it sounds silly but we have taken it as is, we are greatful that there are wonderful doctors out there that would try to get us pregnant but God has had other plans and he has opened our heart to those plans.

Everyone needs compassion, people see we hurt and want to offer their advice and don't understand why we are doing what we are doing and that is adoption. People have compassion for us and say they feel we are going to get pregnant, I heard that a few times that they had been praying for us and that they knew we would get pregnant in a few months and its almost a year. Thank you for showing us compassion by praying for us, please pray for our future children and that they are safe right now and that they are being shown compassion from their foster family or from someone.

Love that's never failing, wow my heart aches for this love, I have the love from Jesus and I have a very strong love from my mother and there is a strong part of me that aches because I want to show my children the love that's never failing and that love is from our Lord Jesus but also I plan on loving our children, these children will be ours and well loved as we want them.

Let mercy fall on me, please Lord show us mercy with children. It will be a beautiful sight in our house.

Everyone needs forgivness, Lord please forgive the families of these children, please protect them and Lord I pray for them each and all.

The kindness of a saviour, hank you Lord Jesus for your gentle kindness touch and love.

The hope of nations, my hope is for a family of 3 children we are out there in this nation.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, Yes Lord Jesus you are wonderful and we have this big boulder sitting in front of us but God you can move that mountain, Infertility and no Children God you are wonderful and you moved some stones to show us the path and now we wait for the boulder to be moved. You Can Lord Jesus move the mountains!

My God is Mighty to save, Yes Lord you can save the broken hearted, you can move the mountains, you can touch our lives and you can show the way Lord, because

He is mighty to save

Forever, Author of Salvation, Lord you are the authour of Salvation, you have given these children a second chance at life Lord God

He Rose and Conqured the grave, Yes Lord you did this for us and you saved us so we can save these children.

Jesus conquered the grave, for you and me and for our family

So take me as you fine me, Yes Lord thank you for letting us be open and letting our hearts be open to a child with needs such as Autisum thank you for giving us the heart to help these children as so many people want normal children and we will be thankful with a child.

All my fears and failures, Lord I do have fears this will take forever and I am scared I will fail and be dissapointed with how long it may take and being told No after being told Yes.

Fill my life again, Yes God please fill my life again with love and joy, thank you for Evan Lord, please for our life again.

I give my life to follow, Please Lord lead the way so I may follow you

Everything I believe in, Lord I have a strong faith and I believe that this is the begining of our long waited journey Lord.

Now I Surrender, Lord I fall to my knees praying for patiences and strength through this journey.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, Yes Lord Jesus you are wonderful and we have this big boulder sitting in front of us but God you can move that mountain, Infertility and no Children God you are wonderful and you moved some stones to show us the path and now we wait for the boulder to be moved. You Can Lord Jesus move the mountains!

My God is Mighty to save, Yes Lord you can save the broken hearted, you can move the mountains, you can touch our lives and you can show the way Lord, because

He is mighty to save

Forever, Author of Salvation, Lord you are the authour of Salvation, you have given these children a second chance at life Lord God

He Rose and Conqured the grave, Yes Lord you did this for us and you saved us so we can save these children.

Jesus conquered the grave, for you and me and for our family

Shine your light and let the whole world see, Lord let the whole world see that we are going to be parents

We're singing for the glory of the risen King.... Jesus... You are the King of all kings and we could not be doing this without your love. Thank you Jesus!!

Here is a You tube link- Its an amazing song-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwWYfwuTeaw

Thank you for walking with us in this journey and please keep praying for us, and pray for our children, pray they are safe right now and in loving hands. We can not wait to get them and show them the Love they may have never seen, our love and the love of Jesus.

Home Study Part 1

I say Part one because we were not expecting it to be this long but there will be maybe 4 parts to it and if all goes well we will be in the system by November 9th our social worker figures.

So for the most part tonight she just kinda got a feel of who we are and what we want. We said we want 3 kids, age from 0-7.

So one thing is we could get native kids if they allowed us too and I mean they as the tribe. I also learned tonight this is with other religions also, such as Mormons if we were Mormon we could get a little 6 month old baby, but since we are and don't plan on switching over that will not work for us.

So our next meeting is September 28th and then October 23rd and maybe one more depending on how much we talk about other stuff.

Then we are put in the system, she did say it might take up to a year but I am going to have faith. When leaving she asked how the Van handled the snowy January weather so who knows. She also told me it took her a year and half to place a 3 sibling group because noone wanted 3 so maybe 3 will be our lucky number.

But she asked if I am ready for the roller coaster ride and I said yes, I just want it to be a fast Roller Coaster, it could have lots of bumps but lets make it fast.

She is a great person and I am glad she is working for us, I told her I will be harassing her now expect a weekly email from me

Well thats all for now

Denise

Update September 11th

Do you ever want something really bad and when someone else around you gets it and you don't it tears you apart? I have been feeling this way about children, it kills me that all my friends have kids and people who just got married get pregnant like right after their wedding, but Evan and I have to go through troubles and all I ever wanted was a baby. It does eat me away inside and I heard a song the other day about a mother who lost her baby and wrote her a song and in a part it says people say you are brave, but truth is I am barely holding on, in reality this is how I feel and I know a lot of people who suffer from infertility feel. Some go the medical route and really if we could afford it and know that we could have the $12,000+ sitting there to do it. I would try the whole fertility treatments, but we are still paying student loans off.

Today we got some great news our home study is on Monday! MONDAY oh man I thought we would do it at the end of the month or something but its coming and I am super excited and pumped for it and I can't wiat for her to come in and we do the home study part and then have meetings and get in the system. I was talking to a friend and she said she knows some who it only took 6 weeks! 6 WEEKS are you kidding me oh man time is ticking, I want to go shopping and buy like a bunk bed for the one room but I am trying to hold back, what if it takes 2 years.

I need to remember no matter what the road is that we need to have faith in GOd and follow him, it might be tough but we need to do it together.

Monday is going to be a new day, we are going to do a diet and lose weight and we are going to be on the path to having our forever family, our forever family we both ache for each day.

Our Niece turned 2 today! Happy 2nd Birthay Muckin!! We love you so much!!! Here are pictures from her day http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=103719&id=511179856

Please just pray for us that we are on the path for being in the system and really we just need lots of prayer that God will show us our forever family, that we can share the love we both have waiting with our own children, and our money hahaha Larkin was a spoiled little girl today!

Thanks for letting me whine about my heart ache right now.....

I will add the song lyrics, the band name is Selah and they are wonderful. Todd is a singer and his wife Angie wrote the song.

Denise

I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

These lyrics were written by Angie Smith (in collaboration with her husband Todd from Selah and Christa Wells) to her daughterAudrey Caroline. They just walked through a situation very similar to ours and I wanted to share these beautiful words that absolutely spoke to my heart.