Update September 11th

Do you ever want something really bad and when someone else around you gets it and you don't it tears you apart? I have been feeling this way about children, it kills me that all my friends have kids and people who just got married get pregnant like right after their wedding, but Evan and I have to go through troubles and all I ever wanted was a baby. It does eat me away inside and I heard a song the other day about a mother who lost her baby and wrote her a song and in a part it says people say you are brave, but truth is I am barely holding on, in reality this is how I feel and I know a lot of people who suffer from infertility feel. Some go the medical route and really if we could afford it and know that we could have the $12,000+ sitting there to do it. I would try the whole fertility treatments, but we are still paying student loans off.

Today we got some great news our home study is on Monday! MONDAY oh man I thought we would do it at the end of the month or something but its coming and I am super excited and pumped for it and I can't wiat for her to come in and we do the home study part and then have meetings and get in the system. I was talking to a friend and she said she knows some who it only took 6 weeks! 6 WEEKS are you kidding me oh man time is ticking, I want to go shopping and buy like a bunk bed for the one room but I am trying to hold back, what if it takes 2 years.

I need to remember no matter what the road is that we need to have faith in GOd and follow him, it might be tough but we need to do it together.

Monday is going to be a new day, we are going to do a diet and lose weight and we are going to be on the path to having our forever family, our forever family we both ache for each day.

Our Niece turned 2 today! Happy 2nd Birthay Muckin!! We love you so much!!! Here are pictures from her day http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=103719&id=511179856

Please just pray for us that we are on the path for being in the system and really we just need lots of prayer that God will show us our forever family, that we can share the love we both have waiting with our own children, and our money hahaha Larkin was a spoiled little girl today!

Thanks for letting me whine about my heart ache right now.....

I will add the song lyrics, the band name is Selah and they are wonderful. Todd is a singer and his wife Angie wrote the song.

Denise

I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

These lyrics were written by Angie Smith (in collaboration with her husband Todd from Selah and Christa Wells) to her daughterAudrey Caroline. They just walked through a situation very similar to ours and I wanted to share these beautiful words that absolutely spoke to my heart.