Well this song has been keeping me going...
Everlasting God
Chris Tomlin
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgyokeWf54k
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Long post due
Wow haven't posted in a long time
The week I was feeling very down I looked into private adoption and holy cow prices were crazy. Well something weird happened the fertility clinic called us again that week I was feeling like crap. Anyways we have decided to go and see what our options are. We may need to get like $10,000 but hopefully not, will we do IUI or IVF not sure yet, God has plans for both of us.
Adoption news is nothing.... We wait and wait and wait....
Our social worker asked what we would think of a 5 year old child... Well still nothing from that...
So we will wait upon the Lord!!
The week I was feeling very down I looked into private adoption and holy cow prices were crazy. Well something weird happened the fertility clinic called us again that week I was feeling like crap. Anyways we have decided to go and see what our options are. We may need to get like $10,000 but hopefully not, will we do IUI or IVF not sure yet, God has plans for both of us.
Adoption news is nothing.... We wait and wait and wait....
Our social worker asked what we would think of a 5 year old child... Well still nothing from that...
So we will wait upon the Lord!!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Private Adoption
Well I think we are going to explore our options for private adoption, its stressful but the more I think I want a new born. I want to start from scratch.
Its a scary thing and it costs lots of money but I am sure we will find the money. I am going to be talking to someone who will help us find a Private adoption place hopefully somewhere around us. Its something I dunno if its what but I know God is calling my heart to open this door also.
Maybe we can do fundraisers to help raise money, we are looking probably around $10K-$20K to adopt a new born.
I am running away from things I am having a hard time right now with not having any light at all. I have given up control to God, I don't harass my social worker because I know God is working but I have a hard time.
Easter we are going away, for a week for a holiday. I can't do it. I can't stay home and watch Larkin do an egg hunt. I love her yes I do but my heart is breaking so bad, it is so ripped and I think May is coming and its mother's day and I can't even think of how awful this day will be for me.
I am hiding behind a wall that no one knows about, I stay strong but like when I write this out I cry and cry and cry. I want a baby! I want to be a mother! I want that big hole in my heart to be healed. I want to be called mommy, I want to take my baby out and do stuff. I want the baby shower (Tomorrow I am going to one, I try to stay strong)But it hurts, its like a knife is being stabbed and twisted and pulled out and then pushed back in. UGH!
Anyways this is a post for today, hopefully tomorrow I can figure out what to do, and get answers about the private adoption.
Its a scary thing and it costs lots of money but I am sure we will find the money. I am going to be talking to someone who will help us find a Private adoption place hopefully somewhere around us. Its something I dunno if its what but I know God is calling my heart to open this door also.
Maybe we can do fundraisers to help raise money, we are looking probably around $10K-$20K to adopt a new born.
I am running away from things I am having a hard time right now with not having any light at all. I have given up control to God, I don't harass my social worker because I know God is working but I have a hard time.
Easter we are going away, for a week for a holiday. I can't do it. I can't stay home and watch Larkin do an egg hunt. I love her yes I do but my heart is breaking so bad, it is so ripped and I think May is coming and its mother's day and I can't even think of how awful this day will be for me.
I am hiding behind a wall that no one knows about, I stay strong but like when I write this out I cry and cry and cry. I want a baby! I want to be a mother! I want that big hole in my heart to be healed. I want to be called mommy, I want to take my baby out and do stuff. I want the baby shower (Tomorrow I am going to one, I try to stay strong)But it hurts, its like a knife is being stabbed and twisted and pulled out and then pushed back in. UGH!
Anyways this is a post for today, hopefully tomorrow I can figure out what to do, and get answers about the private adoption.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Wait
A friend sent me this poem and I want to share
Wait
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
Wait
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
Monday, March 1, 2010
BELIEVE, PUSH, FAITH
While attending church I love the worship and believe God is speaking to me through worship, I am a worship girl and get more out of the music then I do the sermons. Always have and always will I believe.
While this past weekend at church, God was speaking to me through the songs.
The Enemy has been defeated! The Enemy in my case is my social worker, she says she only wants us to have 2 children and she only wants this and that... But we know That GOD is our final Judge! And I can not wait till the Enemy is defeated in our case!!
Living Breath of Life- Well We are going to have a new living breath of life one day!
Turn my mourning into dancing- I mourn not being able to have children but I know that once those children are in my arms I will be dancing!
To be still and know- Your plan Lord! Right now I may mourn but I also need to be still and know and have Faith!
You're the light into the darkness- This is a very dark time in our lives its going on a roller coaster through a tunnel constantly, never know when we will finish going through the tunnel.
You're the hope to the hopeless- Yes there are the days we feel we are hopeless, the future is hopeless. When WHEN WHEN!
You're the Peace to the restless- I am very restless and God is giving me peace and calmness
Greater things have yet to come!! AMEN!!! This is so true!!
So yes these songs are for what our life will be with Jesus but its also for what is happening right now in our lives too.
So all that kept coming to me is PUSH (Pray until Something Happens)
We have faith and we will keep praying and asking God for our CHILDREN!!! CHILDREN CHILDREN CHILDREN!!! Bless us Lord Jesus!!
While this past weekend at church, God was speaking to me through the songs.
The Enemy has been defeated! The Enemy in my case is my social worker, she says she only wants us to have 2 children and she only wants this and that... But we know That GOD is our final Judge! And I can not wait till the Enemy is defeated in our case!!
Living Breath of Life- Well We are going to have a new living breath of life one day!
Turn my mourning into dancing- I mourn not being able to have children but I know that once those children are in my arms I will be dancing!
To be still and know- Your plan Lord! Right now I may mourn but I also need to be still and know and have Faith!
You're the light into the darkness- This is a very dark time in our lives its going on a roller coaster through a tunnel constantly, never know when we will finish going through the tunnel.
You're the hope to the hopeless- Yes there are the days we feel we are hopeless, the future is hopeless. When WHEN WHEN!
You're the Peace to the restless- I am very restless and God is giving me peace and calmness
Greater things have yet to come!! AMEN!!! This is so true!!
So yes these songs are for what our life will be with Jesus but its also for what is happening right now in our lives too.
So all that kept coming to me is PUSH (Pray until Something Happens)
We have faith and we will keep praying and asking God for our CHILDREN!!! CHILDREN CHILDREN CHILDREN!!! Bless us Lord Jesus!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Slacker
That who I am
I have been slacking updating the blog, but why? Well because there is no news. Sometimes I get upset thinking, still no children, still no word. But then I remember I have great friends who are getting us through this, friends who care and ask how things are even though they know sometimes the pain is tough, they want us to know they are here for us and we are so thankful.
Its a journey we can not do alone, this past week we were able to share with some people the journey we are facing and oh my were they excited that this is happening and they want to be involved and we are thankful that we have those type of people who care truly about us!
I do have a post for later about how God worked in our my hear today from church
But right now I am going to focus on our Nation and hope to celebrate today with another Gold Medal and a new Olympic Record!! GO CANADA GO!!
I have been slacking updating the blog, but why? Well because there is no news. Sometimes I get upset thinking, still no children, still no word. But then I remember I have great friends who are getting us through this, friends who care and ask how things are even though they know sometimes the pain is tough, they want us to know they are here for us and we are so thankful.
Its a journey we can not do alone, this past week we were able to share with some people the journey we are facing and oh my were they excited that this is happening and they want to be involved and we are thankful that we have those type of people who care truly about us!
I do have a post for later about how God worked in our my hear today from church
But right now I am going to focus on our Nation and hope to celebrate today with another Gold Medal and a new Olympic Record!! GO CANADA GO!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Not much
Well there isn't much to update
Our social worker is busy doing stuff and looking for kids on the side, well thats what she tells me and thats what I am praying she is doing.
I am having a rough time right now with this, I am ready to fall on my face its a tough journey. There are times I feel like I want kids right now, and then there are times I am okay with the wait.
What I am not okay is going out daily and hearing any news on the adoption? When will you hear?
I don't know when I will hear, it sucks so much! When your pregnant you get 9 months, we can take up to like 3 years! Ack I will not think of that, I have faith it will all happen this year! I have faith it will happen soon. God is in Control! No social worker GOD is! And I pray it happens soon so I don't fall flat on my face, I have waited along time.
Did you know we own a 3 bedroom place and I have a hard time going into the 2 bedrooms because really they should be filled with children. Some nights I go and sit on the bed in one of the rooms or I sit on the hope chest looking out the window praying for children for this room. I think this maybe a nightly thing.
Well thats all for now, not much of an update.
Our social worker is busy doing stuff and looking for kids on the side, well thats what she tells me and thats what I am praying she is doing.
I am having a rough time right now with this, I am ready to fall on my face its a tough journey. There are times I feel like I want kids right now, and then there are times I am okay with the wait.
What I am not okay is going out daily and hearing any news on the adoption? When will you hear?
I don't know when I will hear, it sucks so much! When your pregnant you get 9 months, we can take up to like 3 years! Ack I will not think of that, I have faith it will all happen this year! I have faith it will happen soon. God is in Control! No social worker GOD is! And I pray it happens soon so I don't fall flat on my face, I have waited along time.
Did you know we own a 3 bedroom place and I have a hard time going into the 2 bedrooms because really they should be filled with children. Some nights I go and sit on the bed in one of the rooms or I sit on the hope chest looking out the window praying for children for this room. I think this maybe a nightly thing.
Well thats all for now, not much of an update.
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