So for the past week I have been holding in stuff and I am ready to explode.
Where to start for 1 week now 15 people have announced they are pregnant or going to be a dad, so thats one thing I have to deal with well today going on facebook expecting to see number 16 announcing but also praying not well that didn't happen # 16 announced they are going to be parents today, okay 16 seriously God when will I have the joyful news well 16 is even tougher for me, its a big blow in my heart... #16 is a family who is adopting and started the flippen Home Study in September SEPTEMBER DAMNIT I started Febrauary 10th with our home study and for Crap Sakes I do not know where we stand because our social worker is not getting back to us and well obviously has been helping this family and not us. So yeah that stands that I am so flippen frustrated right now.
Anyways I am so sick of hearing the following
1. In God's time, Well yes I know in God's time, but God I am super ready to be a mother and Evan is a father, and I am sick of hearing it will happen when God wants it to, well God when is that time 2 or 3 years from now. I need to know, I need to have an answer I am ready to give up and throw in the sticks.
2. Your still young don't rush it! Are you kidding me I may be young but do you know for the past 4 years hell all my life I have wanted to be a mother so stop saying it!
3. Well I have heard many many stories of well my sister adopted and then got pregnant, that maybe so but its not getting me a child right now. Maybe we will be lucky one day and have a child of our own but right now I know adoption is it.
Right now I am not happy with my life at all, I am getting depressed and can not handle it anymore. My life is not complete at all, I have Evan but I need to be a mom, I need children. I have wonderful parents and a brother and sister in law and a wonderful niece and great friends BUT WHEN WHEN WHEN WHEN is it my time??? Seriously will it be ever? GOD WHEN WHEN WHEN..
Why is it that I want this so bad and someone who doesn't gets pregnant tonight and then doesn't love that child. But for me who wants a kid, who always wanted one its like jumping in front a semi and chancing not getting hit.
I was always told it was an emotional roller coaster, for adoption but you know what the only person making it the roller coaster is my social worker, she has hardly wrote us and let us know anything, obviously as she has been working with this other family and not for us like she said she would have us in the computer and everything.
GOD PLEASE Give me an answer....
I wish I could tell you all my life is complete and I am happy with Life, but really I am not
Well thats all for now
Denise
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